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Going it alone – with a sperm donor!

Updated: May 17, 2019

We warmly welcome our new mummy-to-be blogger Fran – who found her biological clock ticking; hadn’t met the right partner to be the father of her very much wanted child, so decided to take the alternative route of using a sperm donor. Read her story …

After years of being single and the big 40 looming, I realised that if I was going to have the child that I wanted I would have to do it by myself. After lots of investigating I came across a website called co-parents and it suddenly appeared that this would be more achievable than I thought. Treatment through a clinic wasn’t an option due to costs and location and time off work needed.

Cutting a long story short, I found a sperm donor and became pregnant after our first attempt. Unfortunately, though it wasn’t meant to be and I had a miscarriage at eight weeks. That was really tough going through that alone.

Once I recovered I tried again for several months but to no avail. I decided to take a break as the mental strain was getting a bit much. In January 2019, I tried again with a new donor and was lucky enough to fall pregnant straight away. It was a complete shock to be honest as I thought I had my ovulation dates wrong.

I am now 20 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby, I had my second scan this week and all is

Fran - going it alone

well. It’s obviously been a very anxious time, I didn’t have that pregnancy innocence anymore so constantly worried with every ache or twinge. Not having a partner to talk things through with is sometimes tough. I have some brilliant and very supportive friends but it’s never quite the same. Having a previous loss doesn’t qualify you for any earlier midwife or doctors’ appointments and the NHS don’t do reassurance scans. I guess it’s a positive thing that I’m at no more risk of a miscarriage than anyone else, but its still a worrying time. I did pay for an early scan at a private clinic at seven weeks which was reassuring at the time.

I felt physically very ill with this pregnancy right up until nine weeks. Noone warns you how rough it can make you feel. I was lucky in that I was never actually sick but just had constant nausea and headaches. The thought of eating anything made me gag but I knew I had to eat something to make me feel better, it was a vicious circle. I also had a couple of migraines which were tough as I couldn’t take my normal prescribed medication for them.

I’m pleased to say that I now feel so much better but do get tired more easily; but it’s all starting to feel more real now. I still have my anxious moments, but they are becoming less and less now and its mainly excitement. I have lots of new anxieties about whether I’ll be able to cope and will my child resent me for bringing it into the world with no father. I know its going to be tough by myself but I’m ready for the challenge and I have a great support network around me so I’m sure I’ll cope just fine.

One of my biggest sources of support is my Instagram account I set up at the end of last year. I thought it would be a great way to document my journey, but never did I imagine it to be such a wonderful community and meet so many lovely people. I’m more than happy to answer any questions anyone has and for anyone who wants to read more or learn about my journey from the beginning its all on there.

I look forward to writing more and getting to know you all xx

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